My mom passed away. When I last posted, just over a month ago, she had been admitted to the hospital after a series of strokes. In hindsight, her final illness was not a long one – two and a half weeks. But while it was unfolding, we were all over the map in terms of prognosis and hope. Even in the final week, I remember being convinced that she was turning around for the better. In the last days, however, it was so clear that no improvement was going to happen, and our best hope was for a peaceful end.
Much to be grateful for
Although it was a time of huge loss and exhausting intensity, I am struck by how much beauty there was in it, and by how much I have to be grateful for.
Most obviously, I’m grateful that Mom lived a long life. She died on her 93rd birthday. And she lived well until the end. Her wonderful trip to Italy in September now takes on iconic proportions.
Mom was at peace with death. When I told her, after the first of her strokes, how sad my eldest was about it, she said, “Tell her I’ve lived a long life. I’ve been very lucky, very blessed. If this is an introduction to death, it’s nothing to be sad about.”
Mom had loved ones by her side through her time in the hospital. My sister who lives out west flew to Ottawa as soon as Mom was hospitalized, and we were all able to maintain a fairly constant vigil. Mom’s fourteen grand-children and two great-grandchildren had a chance to visit – most in person, two via phone. At the very end, she was surrounded by all five of her children as well as one grandchild.
I was treated with great compassion at work. “Do what you need to do. Take the time you need,” the school’s leadership team told me again and again. One day when a colleague asked me how I was doing, I said it was tough and then dryly told her that I was blowing it as Prudence Debtfree. I had no time to grocery shop or cook, and I was eating all of my meals at the Tim Horton’s in the hospital. Two days later, there were 3 Tim Horton’s gift cards in my mailbox totaling $250. I was moved to tears! I will love my colleagues forever for that kind, kind gesture!
Friends have rallied around with meals, treats, visits, cards, and messages of support. And I was touched by the number of friends who showed up at Mom’s service.
Her memorial service was wonderful. Mom was always very engaged in her community, and although she was predeceased by so many people in her life, the church was packed. It was really uplifting to hug and shake hands with person after person after person who loved her.
I want to be more like my mom
Mom had an enormous capacity for contentment and joy. I remember feeling sad for her when she had to leave her condo in the spring of this year and move into a retirement residence. She had valued her independence, but once the move was made, she was entirely happy in her new home. Her months there were good months.
And in the hospital, that same default to contentment and joy stayed with her. It was a staggering blessing. As the most basic abilities left her, even when she couldn’t speak her love, she lavished it upon us. I will cherish memories of her fixing her eyes on a particular grandchild, and then watching that grandchild light up in the glow of her smile. What a gift!
Love and joy. The first fruits of the Spirit. They were the wellspring of Mom’s abundant life. If you can take 7 minutes to listen to this reflection that she gave in church at the age of 90, “From Loneliness to Abundance”, you’ll get an idea of what it is we have lost – and what it is we’ve been given.
Image courtesy of Max Pixel