Judgment In Personal Finance: It’s All Wrong

Irritated by someone’s poor financial management

Last weekend, as I was walking our dog, I found myself thinking of someone I know who has been struggling with her finances since long before I met her. She is a woman who worked with me for a few years, and the last time I happened to see her, money was still an issue. I found myself feeling a judgmental irritation. To me – and to others – it is obvious what she needs to do to improve her financial situation.

The impact of childhood sexual abuse

She was sexually abused as a child. The thought came to me out of nowhere. And it was true. It was something that she had confided in me and that we had discussed many times. An abuse that had lasted for years at the hands of someone in the family. And nothing had been done about it. When she had tried to bring it to light, she was the one who was rejected.

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*Photo courtesy of Sunny

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Great point you have there. We don’t even have the right to judge someone in the first place, especially on their personal finance. They do things on their own and are not asking anyone else to carry the burden. People with emotional trauma may have vent out to comfort themselves in other ways like decisions that must not have been made, bad investments or overspending. Let’s all try to understand that each of us are going through different situations and gone through different stories, we are all not the same. Thank you.

    • Thank you for your comment, Andrea. “They do things on their own and are not asking anyone else to carry the burden.” Here’s the thing: sometimes, they do ask you to help carry the burden. That’s when this sort of thing gets tough – having compassion, avoiding judgment, but asserting boundaries so that you’re not enabling unhealthy patterns either. It can be hard to be gracious about it in some situations – but I think it’s possible. Thanks again for your comment 🙂

  • Each person is unique. We all have different story. We are not the same. That’s what I wanted to tell those judgmental people. Even though their own life may not be perfect, and or pure glitz and glamour. But why would I waste my time? They may take it the wrong way and end up in an unwanted conversation or discussion. I always avoid long conversations even if you are a family member, a relative or a friend. That is why I always keep mum on every issue even if I wanted to say something. Was it bad? Am I unfair? I don’t want to be sound rude, that’s all.

    • It is very wise to “keep mum” at times – especially with someone who simply will not listen. I do think there are times to speak up though. It can be very hard to know when – and even more difficult to know how. Thanks for your comment, Mika.

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